Funny Thing Called Time

Time is a funny thing..hah..
One minute you feel like you're on solid ground,
that you are sure it will hold you
But just like a tsunami, it wipes you out the next second.
And like an earthquake, it shakes you till you loose your ground the next minute.

...and you look around, when time has past but not that further down,
but everything around you is not so solid any more.
It's not as steady as you think,
and you are left to pick up the pieces.
To start all over again, hoping that time will refresh the ground.
Hoping that once again, you will have faith on solid ground.

City Light

"Gw suka deh pemandangan dari kamar lo, bagus, kliatan city light"

"Iya sih bagus pemandangannya"

"Gw suka banget kelap kelip gitu...andaikan kliatan kayak gini dari kamar gw. Sebelum tidur bisa baca buku sambil liat pemandangan, kayaknya seru yah."

Setelah balik ke kamar gw, pemandangan yang di luar cuma bulan dan gedung seberang yang bangunannya kayak tin can.
Indah, tapi lebih indah lagi kalo ditambah city light kali ya.
Kayaknya memang harus ke kamar dia untuk ngeliat keindahan city light yang kelap kelip.


Beberapa bulan kemudian gw pindah ke kamar lain, di gedung lain. Dan yang lebih ga gw duga, gw dapet pemandangan city light yang selalu gw pingin. Memang yang gw liat itu ga spektakuler tapi gw suka banget, entah kenapa.

Hal favorit yang paling gw suka saat ini, matiin semua lampu kecuali lampu belajar, nyalain lilin, buka jendela dan liat lampu2 kuning-orange yang mulai muncul dari jam 21.00.
Kayaknya gw ga butuh dia lagi buat liat keindahan city light. 

Cinta itu...

"Mama, cinta itu apa sih?"

"Ah nak, nanti kalo sudah besar juga kamu bakal tau kok."

"Tapi mama, aku pingin tau cinta itu apa"

"Menurutmu apa nak?"

"Kupu-kupu?"

"Cantik dan bisa terbang tinggi, ya cinta itu seperti kupu-kupu."

"Mawar merah?"

"Wangi dan indah, ya cinta itu seperti mawar merah."

"Matahari?"

"Cerah dan memberikan kehangatan, ya cinta itu seperti matahari."

"Bantal gulingku!"

"Nyaman dan enak untuk dipeluk, ya cinta itu seperti bantal gulingmu."

"Berarti cinta itu di sekeliling kita donk ma?"

"Iya bener nak"

"Berarti semua yang indah-indah dan bagus-bagus donk ma?"

"Ga juga nak."

"Maksud mama....?"

"Mawar memang indah, tapi harus hati-hati dengan durinya. Matahari memang cerah dan memberi kehangatan, tapi kadang terlalu panas dan jadi tidak nyaman. Kupu-kupu memang indah saat ada di depan mata kita, tapi kadang kita harus menunggu lama untuk melihat kupu-kupu itu. Bantal gulingmu memang nyaman tapi tidak selamanya kamu tidur kan sayang?"

"Ah mama, aku ga paham, udahlah aku tunggu aja kayak kata mama tadi"

"Suatu saat nanti kamu juga bakal ngerti kok nak!"

Anak Pendeta: Sebuah Renungan

(Hampir) semua orang tau bokap gw adalah seorang pendeta. Yup, tau kan pendeta, yang khotbah di depan mimbar, yang baptis orang, yang doain orang, yang hafal (hampir) semua ayat-ayat Alkitab. Ya itu dia.

Sejak kecil, gw uda dicap sebagai anak pendeta (yaiyalah...!). Gimana rasanya jadi anak pendeta? Gw yakin, gw bukan satu2nya anak pendeta, tapi gw ga yakin kalo semua anak pendeta merasakan apa yang gw rasakan.   

Ga boleh nakal, kamu kan anak pendeta. Sering banget tuh kata2 keluar, terutama guru SD gw. Selalu aja kalo gw nakal, cerewet, ngejailin temen, kalimat ampuhnya adalah itu. Pertanyaan yang sering muncul di pikiran gw: "emang kalo bokap gw pendeta, gw ga boleh nakal ya?". Aneh banget kelakuan anak kecil kok dihubung2in sama kerjaan bokapnya, gw yakin bokap gw pas kecil jg jail, nakal...padahal calon pendeta loh!

Brarti kamu hafal ayat2 alkitab donk. Bukan berarti gw pakar dalam theologi dan hal2 yang berhubungan dengan agama Kristen. Dan ga, gw ga hafal Alkitab dan ya, gw jg kadang punya pertanyaan2 yang mungkin juga dipikirin orang2 yang bukan anak pendeta. Normal lah, yang belajar theologi kan bokap gw, bukan gw.

Pasti Natal, Paskah perayaan kesukaan lo. Justru kebalikan. Di saat orang2 pada libur keluarga, bokap gw musti kerja. Apalagi kalo Natal, khotbah setiap kebaktian begitu juga Paskah. Alhasil, gw cuma dapet capeknya doank. Pernah suatu saat gw merasa Natal, Paskah dan perayaan lainnya cuma hal biasa, ga spesial2 amat. Tapi gw sadar, justru itulah indahnya keluarga pendeta, gw menganggap kita bisa merayakan hari2 spesial ini dengan pelayanan. It took a while for me to realise it :)

Kalo ada masalah tinggal konsultasi ama bokap donk. Ummm, ga juga sih. Punya bokap pendeta bukan berarti gw dapet akses 24/7 konsultasi spiritual dan rohani secara gratis, bukan berarti semua teguran dan nasehat adalah bibliah (itu kata bukan sih?!). Tetep aja nasehatnya tuh "normal2" aja, bukan tipe yang "Agata, kamu ga boleh xxxx karena dalam Alkitab Yohanes ayat xxx mengatakan xxxx" - aneh juga mikir bokap gw ngasi nasehat begitu haha.

Tapi jadi anak pendeta, itu asik kok. Ga ada yang spesial juga sih jadi anak pendeta. Gw lebih suka berpikir kalo kita ini hanya keluarga normal dengan masalah2 normal yang dihadapin dengan keluarga2 normal lainnya. Ya, gereja emang udah bagian dari gw dan gw ga bisa lepas juga. Tapi, tetep aja gw paling ga suka kalo orang mengkorelasikan kelakuan gw dengan pekerjaan bokap gw. Sekali lagi, yang belajar theologi, yang jadi pendeta bukan gw, tapi bokap gw. Tapi gw akuin, gw seneng banget diskusi yang berbau theologi ama bokap, diskusi tentang hal yang positif maupun negatif. Mengungkapkan kekeselan gw tentang gereja ato hal2 berbau agama juga uda sering dia dengerin dan ditanggepin dengan sudut pandang yang kadang bikin gw kaget. Eh tapi jangan salah ya, walo bokap gw yang pendeta, kadang di rumah mama gw yang lebih kayak pendeta loh. I think she would've made a fantastic female priest! Amen! haha!

Sekian sepintas curhat anak pendeta. Ada yang anak pendeta juga di luar sana?

#1 - I Once Knew...

...the "100% waterproof, windproof, any kind of proof" boots. 

My Boot Theorem is not made up. I have lived long enough in this world to be able to know/see/experience those boots mentioned. And trust me, the process of knowing/seeing/experiencing these boots was somehow bitter-sweet. For sure, they made me understand and avoid unpleasant boots of life.

This first type of boots was probably my most hated kind during my teenage years. I was naive enough to be convinced with their promises, and as the young and stupid teenager I was, I certainly fell for it. Though, I considered myself lucky to find out the truth of those false promises fast enough. The feeling of dumping these kinds, was the best feeling in the world and yet they are the never-give-up kind too as they seem to linger on you for quite sometimes with again more promises. Of course, being the person that I was/am, I never trust again those who deceit me. Saying NO once or twice or maybe a dozen times just weren't enough to push them away. Obviously with my consistency, sharp comments and glares, they finally move away.

Looking back, I'm glad I met these kinds. They are so see-through, no mystery and I most certainly can spot these boots within miles. In fact, all they need is one sentence coming from their mouth, and all is revealed. How shallow. And when I came across news on these boots during my university years, all I could do was grin and a gush of relieve came over me.  

The Boot Theorem

During the winter break I was frustrated in buying boots. The weather was cold and as I found out choosing the right boots is as hard as choosing a boyfriend. In fact they very much resemble. So here we go again:

#1: The "cheap and cute" boots

These boots are cheap, usually below 30euro (in Europe anyway), they look good on you and you'll be proudly wearing them the seconds you got them. But of course, you got it cheap, so it will only last for a while. When it breaks, you'll be sad for a while but will easily forget. They were cheap!

#2: The "quite expensive and cute but cold" boots

Well these kinds, are exactly what they are described. They're not as cheap as #1, quite expensive, very cute when you take them out for a nice dinner with friends or to show off on the dance floor, but they are cold. They don't give you any warmth, they just leave you feeling cold and you end up not wearing them for a while and soon you'll forget them.

#3: The "100% waterproof, windproof, any kind of proof" boots

Promises. These boots are giving you a lot of promises. And you end up having them because you fell for their promises, hoping that you will get exactly what they said. But wrong, when you actually test them, they are not as they promised. So what to do with these kinds? You'll soon get fed up and toss them.

#4: The "expensive, soul-draining" boots

You see them on the display, everyone wants them, everyone wishes they were the owner of this dashing boots, and you, yes, YOU have them. How lucky! Of course, you just spend your entire savings on this boots and it should be the right one for you, right? Well no, they look good for a while, but they are so hard to keep up with. They need the right treatment, need to be polished everyday, need to be put in a special place...and at the end of the day you're just exhausted looking after this one boots, and is it even worth it?

#5: The "your perfect...NOT!" boots

They are not too expensive yet not too cheap either. They make your feet feel so comfortable that you swear you will even wear them to bed. You almost feel like you've found the one, the one that will keep your feet protected for the rest of your life. That is until your friend borrowed it and it broke.

#6: The "too comfortable" boots

This is it, I am never buying another boots in my whole entire life again. You are so comfortable by it, that you can't think of having your feet bare without them. They are so damn comfortable, why would you want to take it off. Unlike #5, your friends don't even like them, but why should you care, it's the perfect boots for you. That is until you outgrown them, your feet just don't fit anymore, no matter how hard you try, you just have to dump it.

#7: The "maybe" boots

When you saw it, you weren't so sure. I mean, the price is affordable, but maybe it will fail you after all those boots experience. Then you try it, and okay it's a perfect match, but you just have so many doubts. To buy or not to buy?! So, OK, you buy because you somehow feel an instant connection and why not give it a try eh? And so you did, and it lasts, my goodness it lasts a long time. And this is the boots everyone should have. Yes it is.

A friend of mine said to me, and I truly love this quote "...if they are meant for you, they won't fit anyone else."

Spontaneous

I love being spontaneous. It's that surprising, unplanned things that sometimes cheer you up and make your day.

So that was what happened this weekend.

The big hype film of the month, Hunger Games, came to me too. Though it was unplanned, my friends and I decided to watch it...in French. No, I don't know French that fluent to understand the whole film, but yes I got the point. It was good, not brilliant.

After finishing this french-dubbed film, the tram to the residence decided to be spontaneous too, it refused to let us know the time it'll come. So, we took the most sane way to solve the problem, obviously to rent a bike. And of course I felt like I was gonna break my legs as the last time I biked was several year ago, ok not several, more like 2002. We finally did it. Though we managed to be "on the road" (literally) when the clock went forward one hour. After walking through a park, dead dark, I managed to climb into my beloved bed.

And today, with the sunshine and warm weather, Clisson awaited. It was really nice. I love standing in the castle ruin overlooking the calm river. Simple pleasure. Simple surprises.